Lifehack: Get into a car accident on the way to the Halloween party for an authentic “car crash victim” costume!
*Turns over a tarot card* Oh, this is the Hobo with a Switchblade card. He’s not symbolic for anything. He’s literally a hobo with a knife.
Fact: Violence solves nothing except for violence-based logic puzzles.
Fact: Beating a dead horse may be pointless, but it’s also a fun night out with the family.
"It was during these sessions that Dr. Kinderflicken found the shockingly erotic answer to the so-called Pizza Equation."
"Maybe you shouldn’t kill so many people, Grak’thir."
"Maybe human should not tell Grak’thir what to do."
-My Friend Grak’Thir (1979)
Based on early buzz for Ouija, film studios decide to create film properties based on dowsing rods, palmistry, and the Magic 8-Ball.
Fact: All poltergeists are required to hide the shoes of any human they encounter.
"People who quote Bible verses at you out of context owe you a pizza." So sayeth The LORD.
Ever had a nightmare where you tried to scream but there’s no sound? The Voice Eater is why. He eats the screams right out of your mouth.
Fact: A rose by any other name would smell as sweet, but not as sweet as a cinnamon bun.
Fact: The fire alarm in your building doesn’t work. It’s just there to tempt you. On the day you finally push it, it will give you a prize.
BREAKING: Supreme Court declares cannibalism legal. It wasn’t even for a case. They just started… eating. Gnashing teeth on bloody bones.
Fact: The most poisonous creature on earth is the South Venezuelan Bleach-Filled Hypodermic Needle With Legs.
Alien movies are white people’s way of saying “I sure hope no one does to us what we did to, like, every other culture on Earth.”